Ladies, have you ever dreamt of hatching an alien egg from your body’s womb? Or dudes if you are into that, do I have the product for you!
There’s a company called Primal Hardwere that makes these suckers. They might sound weird, but are selling like hot cakes! Vice sat down with their creator who goes by Lone Wolf.
Lone Wolf has tried it all, finally settling down with the hearty passion of alien impregnation. He shares where he came from:
How did you get involved in all this stuff? I had tried everything else: I had owned a restaurant and managed many other businesses and had many successes. However, in all of my jobs I would work my way up to the top only to find a wall waiting for me there. I’m ambitious, and though I don’t consider myself greedy, I always wanted to push myself for more independence and freedom to do the things I wanted to do.
And freedom is helping people insert eggs into themselves for sexual gratification?
Let’s face it, there are three things that will always sell: Food, death, and sex. I tried food service and decided after managing three restaurants and owning one that it was the same thing, day in and day out, and it didn’t look like that was going to change much. Death didn’t really interest me. I wanted something more fun. Something that breaks the monotony of people’s days and makes them spit out their coffee when you tell them what you do.
WONDERING HOW THE WHOLE THING WORKS? HERE’S A VIDEO OF THE SPLORCH IN ACTION.
The Splorch costs between $119 and $129, I thought it would be a great white elephant gift but when I went to the site I was hit with terrible news: “We are experiencing a supply shortage on egg molds. We will be producing our own hopefully by February, but in the meantime, we may have to temporarily substitute with spherical molds. We apologize for the inconvenience.”DAMMIT!